Software Career Growth Meter.. !!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Police officers - sense of humor
Police officers - sense of humor.
* "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
* "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
* "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
* "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
* "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
* "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
* "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
* "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
* "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
* "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Cute Answers ...
BEST OF PAPPU
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to , my mom is a good cook.
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as yourbrother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO ! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of " COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Smile :-)
A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.
A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink."Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman. "Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."
"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.
"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".
When I was young I didn't like going to weddings.
My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals
A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."The man replies,
"And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.
A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink."Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman. "Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."
"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.
"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".
When I was young I didn't like going to weddings.
My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals
A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."The man replies,
"And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Friday, July 4, 2008
Stupid & Funny Conversations in Courtrooms (Real)
Stupid & Funny Conversations in Courtrooms
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kiddin’ me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess!!!.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
:-)
These are answers, some students have written in their exams...
* A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
* The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
* When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
* Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
* Clouds are high flying fogs.
* I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the
important thing.
* Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
* "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
* "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
* "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana ..."
* "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa ...."
* "To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."
* A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
* The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
* When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
* Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
* Clouds are high flying fogs.
* I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the
important thing.
* Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
* "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
* "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
* "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana ..."
* "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa ...."
* "To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."
Dead-Lock
Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.
Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together.
Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.
Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.
Grandpa(boss) make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .
Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together.
Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.
Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.
Grandpa(boss) make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .
Thursday, July 3, 2008
6 weeks : 6 months : 6 years :-)
Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?
Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??
Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.
Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.
Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!
Apology:
6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??
New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?
Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???
TV:
6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by
Beer contains female hormones :-) Good One !!
Beer contains female hormones !!!
Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.
It was then observed that
100% of the test subjects........
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive..
7) Failed to think rationally.
No further testing was considered necessary :-)
Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.
It was then observed that
100% of the test subjects........
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive..
7) Failed to think rationally.
No further testing was considered necessary :-)
तुझ्या माझ्यासवे कधी गायचा पाऊसही
तुझ्या माझ्यासवे कधी गायचा पाऊसही
तुला बोलावता पोहोचायचा पाऊसही!
पडे ना पापणी पाहून ओलेती तुला
कसा होता नि नव्हता व्हायचा पाऊसही!
तुला मी 'थांब' म्हणताना, तुला
अडवायला कसा वेळीच तेव्हा यायचा पाऊसही!
मला पाहून ओला विरघळे रुसवा
तुझा किती युक्त्या मला शिकवायचा पाऊसही!
कशी भर पावसातही आग माझी
व्हायची तुला जेव्हा असा बिलगायचा पाऊसही!
अता शब्दांवरी या फक्त उरलेल्या खुणा
कधी स्मरणे अशी ठेवायचा पाऊसही!!
- संदीप खरे
Never Give Up
The Story of the baby frog.......
Once upon a time there was a bunch of baby frogs....
… participating in a competition.
The target was to get to the top of a high tower.
A crowd of people had gathered to observe the race and encourage the participants.....
The start shot rang out.......
Quite honestly:
None of the onlookers believed that the baby frogs could actually accomplish getting to the top of the tower.
Words like:
"Åh, it’s too difficult!!!
They’ll never reach the top."
or:
"Not a chance... the tower is too high!"
One by one some of the baby frogs fell off…...Except those who fastly climbed higher and higher..
The crowd kept on yelling:
"It’s too difficult. Nobody is going to make it!"
More baby frogs became tired and gave up...
...But one kept going higher and higher.....He was not about giving up!
At the end everybody had given up, except the one determined to reach the top!
All the other participants naturally wanted to know how he had managed to do what none of the others had been able to do!
One competitor asked the winner, what was his secret?
The truth was.......
The winner was deaf !!!
The lesson to be learned:
Don’t ever listen to people who are negative and pessimistic...
…they will deprive you of your loveliest dreams and wishes you carry in your hear!
Always be aware of the power of words, as everyting you hear and read will interfere with your actions!
Therefore:
Always stay… POSITIVE! NEVER GIVE UP !!
And most of all:
Turn a deaf ear when people tell you, that you cannot achieve your dreams!
Always believe:
You can make it!
Once upon a time there was a bunch of baby frogs....
… participating in a competition.
The target was to get to the top of a high tower.
A crowd of people had gathered to observe the race and encourage the participants.....
The start shot rang out.......
Quite honestly:
None of the onlookers believed that the baby frogs could actually accomplish getting to the top of the tower.
Words like:
"Åh, it’s too difficult!!!
They’ll never reach the top."
or:
"Not a chance... the tower is too high!"
One by one some of the baby frogs fell off…...Except those who fastly climbed higher and higher..
The crowd kept on yelling:
"It’s too difficult. Nobody is going to make it!"
More baby frogs became tired and gave up...
...But one kept going higher and higher.....He was not about giving up!
At the end everybody had given up, except the one determined to reach the top!
All the other participants naturally wanted to know how he had managed to do what none of the others had been able to do!
One competitor asked the winner, what was his secret?
The truth was.......
The winner was deaf !!!
The lesson to be learned:
Don’t ever listen to people who are negative and pessimistic...
…they will deprive you of your loveliest dreams and wishes you carry in your hear!
Always be aware of the power of words, as everyting you hear and read will interfere with your actions!
Therefore:
Always stay… POSITIVE! NEVER GIVE UP !!
And most of all:
Turn a deaf ear when people tell you, that you cannot achieve your dreams!
Always believe:
You can make it!
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